a_perfect_angel_2000 asks: What's your next plan for domination?
family_guy_stewie: Presently, I am working on a plan to inject a smart gene into beef jerky, that will stop people from watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

das4683 asks: Stuie, tell me, why are you so evil?
family_guy_stewie: Ever try to Read the Art of War, with a six pounds of your oown filth strapped to your behind?

golem_eye asks: how do you feel about brian??
family_guy_stewie: I despise that vile hound with every fiber of my being. But as an ally, I would still choose him over the French.

workingirl_68 asks: Stewie, what's your IQ?
family_guy_stewie: Oh, please, have some respect. That's like asking Jennifer Aniston to whip out her boobies.

johnmuraro asks: Stewie: boxers or briefs?
family_guy_stewie: You know, I'm quite small. I have the same amount of freedom in both. But, anywho, it's not the size of the wand, but the magic you can perform with it.

snyper1 asks: stewie, how did you make that ray that froze that guard in frozen carbonite?
family_guy_stewie: Each step of the construction process is readily found on my web site.
family_guy_stewie: However, you will need Adobe Acrobat Reader, 3.0.
family_guy_stewie: No plug there, just a fact. And of course, a lot of hate.

candypagegirl asks: Hi Stewie, I think you're hot!
family_guy_stewie: Watch that. Last time Lois said that, she jammed a slender glass instrument into my button.
family_guy_stewie: I still haven't figured out what she was trying to pull.

BrettD25 asks: Stewie, your mom is hot? How do feel about that?
family_guy_stewie: Hot, please. Take a paint scraper to the three inches of make-up on her sorry mug, and she'll turn you to stone. ANd I don't mean down there.

fallenbrokencrushed asks: Are you attracted to Maggie Simpson?
family_guy_stewie: What do you think I am, a pedophile? You make me sick.
family_guy_stewie: Here's a tip, next time your computer needs repair, remember two words. Gary Glitter.

spasfu asks: What are yours favorites TV show?
family_guy_stewie: Antiques Road Show. Moesha, gotta get me some of that, hm?

stewie4prez asks: Stewie, what, if anything, are you afraid of?
family_guy_stewie: Also, E.R. since they slaughtered Kelly Martin. I guess sometimes, Life DOESN'T go on, hm?
family_guy_stewie: Sometimes I lay awake at night and think, "What would happen if I were in an accident and wound up looking like Ron Howard's brother'"? That's one ugly son of a bitch.

kirchh99 asks: You live in beautiful Rhode Island, when you take over the world, what are your plans for providence college?
family_guy_stewie: Three words. Toga! Toga! Toga! Also, I would make Ernie DiGregorrio the Secretary of Defense,

k1ttyk4t asks: If you could take over any country, Stewie... which would it be?
family_guy_stewie: Don't tell, anyone, but I've been running Spain for the last three months. Yo quiero Julio Iglesias!

Derfguy79 asks: Stewie your my hero
family_guy_stewie: Thank you. WHen the world is mine, I'll see to it that your death is swift and painless.
family_guy_stewie: At least swift.

dats_me_2000 asks: who is ur favorite family member and why?
family_guy_stewie: It's a toss-up between the fat one, the stupid one, the ugly one, and the lucky-she's-still-alive one.

keithnet asks: Stewie, have you speak to Bill Gates about teaming up and taking over the world?
family_guy_stewie: I had dinner with him once. But really, I just wanted to see the house.
family_guy_stewie: Nice digs, but he's a short-sighted geek. YES, BILL! i said it!

sprach420 asks: Why do you only have six hairs?
family_guy_stewie: I had to stop the Rogain. It was giving me night terrors, accompanied by some painful nocturnal emissions.

jigger2k asks: So how old are you Stewie?
family_guy_stewie: Old enough to know a come-on when I hear it. MOMMY! STRANGER!

UsagiMoon007 asks: How do you have such a large vocabulary?
family_guy_stewie: I've taken the Barron's Preparing for the SAT course eight times. Screw you, Harvard!

redstar007 asks: Given the ability to destroy one city, what would that city be and why?
family_guy_stewie: What city are you writing from?

jellebean_12 asks: Would you rather have complete world domination or a fresh diaper?
family_guy_stewie: Can't it be both?

White_Knight_14_98 asks: Back Street Boys or N'SYNC?
family_guy_stewie: Both of them. IN a house, on fire, surrounded by trick fire extinguishers filled with gasoline.

timgreen_1999 asks: Why is your head football shaped?
family_guy_stewie: I was born on Sunday.
family_guy_stewie: Speaking of football. Imagine what John Madden smells like on that bus of his? Get on the plane, you big baby!

westjax33_375 asks: Stewie, you're pretty sarcastic for a baby.
family_guy_stewie: And you're sitting here chatting with me on a computer, you wanker. Who wins that game of chicken? Certainly not man-kind.

MsDraven asks: what is your middle name?
family_guy_stewie: My middle name is Gilligan. I'm not proud of it, but at least it's not "Pussy", like the guy on the Sopranos.

sandman_supreme asks: Stewie have you considered Pro Wrestling?
family_guy_stewie: Not since Sky-Lo-Lo died.

Tue Mar 14 18:46:06 2000

Doom413 asks: If you're so smart....what is the square root of 54332423432?
family_guy_stewie: 233093.1647046, now pull down your pants, and count to one.

thejckal asks: Stewie, are your maladjusted antisocial tendencies the product of your beserk pituitary gland? - Calvin
family_guy_stewie: I'm not mal-adjusted. I'm merely relecting the general sense of malaise engulfing the current generation of American children -- a sense of futility that depletes motivation and threatens to weaken all of us by eroding our soul and spirit. Plus I'm still a little cheesed off that the purple Telly-tubby is a big fat poof.

k1ttyk4t asks: When you win your Oscar, which babe of the Hollywood world are you going to take with you ?
family_guy_stewie: Calista Flockhart. Just to see here eat at the Governor's Ball. Oh, I'm such the bitch aren't I?

unikorn5000 asks: Stewie do you think your older brother is nice? or a moron?
family_guy_stewie: He's a nice moron.

adamuhde asks: Did your mother listen to tapes when you were in the womb
family_guy_stewie: No, but I did. I still think I left "Eagles Live" in there. And for her sake, I hope it comes out sideways.

great1_2k asks: Do you like cheese
family_guy_stewie: I like cheese, but it doesn't like me. I've been wearing the same diaper for five days, and not so much as a turtle head here.

guybrush56 asks: If two trains leave from Chicago and Alabama and travel at 65 and 75 miles per hour respectively, which one would you blow up first?
family_guy_stewie: As long as I'm on the one leaving Alabama, I don't give a rat's ass.

hot_babe_4_u_15_99 asks: WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?
family_guy_stewie: Who else-- Meryl. Marvelous Meryl.
family_guy_host: It's Stewie's bed time now.
family_guy_host: Thanks for joining us, everyone.
family_guy_host: Any last thoughts, Stewie?
family_guy_stewie: Well, I was going to offer something hopeful, and inspiring to all you beautiful faceless drones in the dark out there, but I just got and instant message from Spankme182, and it's a sizzler! Bye bye!
family_guy_host: Thanks, Stewie.
family_guy_host: Good night everyone and thanks for being here.
family_guy_host: Check out the Family Guy on Fox.com